peace

I'm not delving into the beauty pageant topic of world peace. I am talking about the self-centered sort of peace within. I am wondering if this is, perhaps, more difficult than establishing world peace.

I was reading Brigitta's blog, as I frequently do (it seems to put me in a rather reflective mood), and was reminded of the continual search for peace within. In a recent post she talked a bit about how our interests in the pursuit of knowledge changes throughout our lives. It moved me to think about how mine have evolved. I seem to be constantly undergoing a sort of metamorphosis if you will.

I began college taking mostly biology classes, especially anatomy, physiology, neurobiology and such. After realizing that the sight of blood brings on the queezies. Odd, since the cadavers were awesome. Perhaps that reveals something strange about me? Well, I moved on to pursuing art--drawing, photography, and painting... then, decided it would be more practical to use that in architecture. It was about then that I stopped attending classes for the late nights of drinking. By the time I went to Utah State I decided that I should major in English, but not to teach. I love reading and analyzing literature and writing. But not to teach, not to be an editor. Once again, I tried to move toward practicality and thought I would study politics. I love politics. I love getting upset about politics. I love arguing politics. I loved being required to read about politics because when not required to read about it for school it gets passed up for my other school assigned readings. But really, did I want to work in politics? Then, I stumbled upon Behavior Analysis. I have found something that I truly enjoy learning about and love learning about. It's fantastic.

I'm at the Florida Behavior Analysis conference. It's been fun to attend the presentations. It's been exciting to see all of the applications I hadn't really thought about. So far, I've worked with children with Autism and love the fulfillment of it. I love the children I've worked with and can't explain the excitement and satisfaction in watching the rapid improvements and learning that take place. However, today I was inspired to pursue research and perhaps career in applying behavior analysis to typical populations in the context of improving "green" behavior, such as riding bikes, using reusable bags, recycling, buying organic foods... Behavior analysis can also be used reduce the rate of HIV diagnoses, unplanned pregnancies, and other similar social problems. Can you imagine?? I can barely wrap my head around the possibilities. I am thrilled at the prospect of applying this awesome knowledge to such grave social problems. I still love the idea of working with Autism populations, but the majority of behavior analysts work with developmental disabilities and I am beginning to believe that it is more benficial to society for me to attack these other issues that receive less attention from our field.


There are times that I regret choosing one passion over another. I miss taking the time to paint and write poetry. I miss focusing my energy on my speed and distance when running. I miss these moments of solitude and introspection that occur when writing and reading and painting and running. I can stilll dabble, sure. I can still run, of course. But I am enjoying feeling semi-grown-up with this sense of purpose.

For the time being, I am simply at peace with where I have arrived and who I have become. I have struggled to be here, to be in this exact moment. (my best poetry was written in moments of dark depression, of course) My back-burner passions aren't lost-- perhaps they are merely on hold.