blame it on the hormones

I have hypothyroidism, but of course for someone dramatic, it must be worse. It's actually Hashimoto's, an autoimmune thyroid disorder. This is when my thyroid is functioning perfectly, but my immune system is attacking the circulating hormone as if it were foreign.

This means that it will progressively destroy more of the circulating hormone. HORRIBLE. Okay, not really. All it means is that they might have to increase the replacement hormone once in a while. Once in a great while. They've only had to change my dose once since it was diagnosed.

Whenever I am tired or out of sorts I think, it MUST be the damn hormones. I get my thyroid checked and... it's FINE of course. God forbid I might have to find a way to de-stress or create energy for myself by exercising and eating right.

In all fairness, when my body decided to attack itself I did become extremely ill. My roommate that second year of college thought I was on crack. She admitted to such after the debacle was over. I had been running 6-12 miles a day and eating well. Suddenly I was so ill that I couldn't push myself up out of bed. I was feeble. I would get up to make soup and cry to my mom about not being able to hold the small sauce pan with one hand. I would manage to get up out of bed to use the bathroom only to end up on the floor trying to will my body back to the bed. They treated me for 2 UTIs before the dumbasses figured it out.

Now, I am in grad school. Stressed out beyond my wildest dreams (I actually did dream about being in grad school and enjoying the stress along with the dreams of unicorns shitting skittles). I am eating, but perhaps not quite as healthy as I like. I have no time. I am working... privately and for my scholarship. I am going crazy.

I wonder to myself, "WHY? Why am I so damn tired? Why can I barely roll out of bed? Why do I have no motivation to finish my assignments? Why do I not care about hanging out with fellow students? WHY???"

So, I get my thyroid checked.

It's fine.

Damn the hormones. Failed to bail me out when all I wanted was a boost in thyroid production to solve my motivational issues.