just a bit a london fog

I was a big Shirley Temple fan when I was a little girl. Those bouncy curls! Tap dancing and singing! How could you resist?

One of her movies, (A Little Princess, perhaps?), she is sad and sitting on a front porch step. Someone comes up and asks her what's wrong, or why she's crying and she wipes her tear away and says, "It's just a bit a London fog." That's how I remember the scene at least. It's gray and wet outside and the entire scene is so pathetically sad.

That little line pops into my head, still, as an adult. When I was little and upset I would think it. Today I was upset and thought to myself, if someone asks me if I was crying I just might say, "It's just a bit a London fog."

I miss my friends in Utah. I miss the seasons. I miss my family.

I already miss snowboarding, even though we wouldn't be going yet. I miss talking over coffee. or a cocktail.

I miss Eliza being able to see her Mom. She's breaking my heart.

I miss Joe barbecuing with friends.

I miss Kristen more than ever. I used to think living in Logan might have made it more difficult. Going into the canyon to run was impossible for a long time. Driving past the old crummy house we shared. Certain spots on campus.

Living away from all of those painful reminders is overwhelmingly worse. Suddenly, the sight of one of her pictures wrenches my insides. Just my hair getting longer brings on the tears. I look in the mirror and my hair looks more like hers. I miss being reminded of her everywhere I went, every day. Every road I drove down would make me smile and now, all I have are pictures.