not gonna lie. it's been difficult.

The night before Eliza left to be with her Mom for the summer, we were re-packing her suitcases. She had decided she should pack every piece of clothing with her. I applaud her on her discretion when choosing which stuffed animals and toys and books to take, but the CLOTHES... She had packed tights. WINTER TIGHTS. (that she hasn't worn for years). She had packed at least 8 different pajamas. She had packed pants that do not fit. Pants and shirts she HATES to wear.

"Why are you taking these jeans... I've never seen you wear them??"
"My Mom will tell me to wear them."
"Eliza, don't pack things you HATE to wear. No one will be able to make you wear them."
"Okay." (with a grin)

"Why are you taking this sweater? I haven't seen you wear it for years??"
"I don't know."
(Tossed aside.)

"Does this tank top even fit you? It's a size 4!!"
"Nope."
(Tossed aside.)

"Are you going to wear these socks? Aren't they 'scratchy??'"
(Tossed aside.)

This continued until we went from 2 suitcases of clothes to 1 with clothes and 1 with WebKinz.

We packed a couple pictures of her and Joe and me. Some books. More WebKinz...

She started to get pouty and quiet. I know what this means. Something in that head is whirring.

She started to cry.

"Eliza? Can I read to you tonight? I love to do that."

"Yeah."

"We spend too much time being sad. You SHOULD be excited to go see your Mom. Don't be sad about missing me yet. Wait until you miss me, then we'll talk."

"Of course I don't miss you yet... You're Right Here."

We read, and I laid with her, brushing my hand on her face, until she fell asleep. I already missed her. This hurts.