other things aside...

My rate of posting has been a little sketchy. I've been an emotional wreck with Eliza being with her mom for an extended amount of time for the first time ever. I've been stressed with school and work, and now we are in Utah for Joe's mom's wedding. I could say mother-in-law, but that is just too formal for any of my in-laws. She's getting married! I will post more about this trip when we are back in Florida. For now, all other things aside except this:
I GOT A BLOG AWARD!

Erin from The Erin Experiment bestowed this "Your Blog is Fabulous" award on me the other day:

More personal posts will come soon, but I needed to say a big virtual hug involved Thank You! to Erin for making my day. Who knew anyone enjoyed this thing I write on? To be honest, I thought only my Mom and sister actually read it. So let me say it again with total disbelief

I GOT A BLOG AWARD!

There are some rules to this: (1) I express my unbelief in getting an award (check), (2) I thank the person who gave it to me (almost check), (3) I write about 5 of my obsessions, and (4) I pass this award on to some of my favorite bloggers.

Now, to complete #2: You should check out The Erin Experiment. She is also a stepmom, an unbelievably amazing stepmom. She is a wife, a fabulous wife. She is the creater of StepChicks, an online community for stepmoms (much needed for this stressful but beautiful role). She takes pole dancing class and karate. She is not only a talented writer, but delves into her personal life with a humour and honesty that you would not believe.

Here are 5 of my obsessions. I'm sure if you read this blog you have assumed that there are actually more than 5 obsessions at all times.

(1) Food: I love food. Who doesn't, really? I had some eating disorder issues for a couple of my college years, and now that those issues are a very distant past I am back to loving food. I can't get enough cheese in my life. Glorious cheese. Smoked Ghouda. Brie. Extra sharp chedder. I will spare you the list of cheeses I devour, but whenever I feel I have the extra money (rare) and am grocery shopping I splurge on a little cheese just to munch on. It's not just cheese. I love homemade soup. I love ice cream. I love cookies. I love sushi, edamami, age tofu. I love Indian food (this may be may favorite, 2nd to cheese), especially The Indian Oven in Logan, UT. They have the best pakora and the best vegetable masala. I love pb&j sandwiches. I love breakfast: french toast, waffles, omlets, fried eggs, eggs florentine...

(2) I obsessively tap things. If Joe and I are sitting watching a movie he will often find me tapping my fingers on his leg. This drives him a little crazy. I am unaware of the tapping until he places his hand on top of mine. I also tap things when I am thinking. In a meeting the other day my advisor said "I guess she's thinking about it," which I was.

(3) I also obsessively scratch my head.

(4) Hair: I love getting my hair done. This # could also be called "Change." Getting my hair done always involves fairly major change. Blonde to brunette or auburn. Black back to blonde. Short to long (although this one takes quite some time). Long to short. Bangs. No bangs. Mostly it's the color that changes now that it's quite long (for me). When it was short it would change drastically every few months. When I am bored with myself I change my hair. When I am down about something I change my hair. New hair = new me, I guess. Besides, who doesn't love having their hair washed by a stylist?

(5) The Ex: This is pathetic and I hate to admit it, but it is true. I am obsessed. I compare all the time. It had gotten better. This is a recent obsession, but now that Eliza is there and she has taken over my place I can't seem to help it. I want to know if she is taking her to the eye doctor that made Eliza feel most at ease. I want to know if she is going to make her stay dedicated to her activities, like dance or soccer. I want to know what books they are reading together. I am jealous that I am not the one reading the books. I wonder if she is making sure she washes her hair well enough. Sometimes Eliza doesn't wash her hair very well. I wonder if she is helping her enough or too much. This #5 has to stop. Now. I am incessently devoured by these thoughts, particularly: Is she encouraging Eliza to talk about me and remember me, like I did for her mom? Does she put pictures of me and her dad up, like I did for her mom? Does she make her feel bad for talking about me, like she did when she called me "Mom" a few times? Does Eliza even talk about me to her mom? Like I said, this obsession has to stop.

(6) I feel like I didn't share enough obsessions. I am obsessed with my sister. Since she died I have been obsessed with maintaining family relationships.

(7) the Future: I can never stop trying to plan out the REST OF MY LIFE. Not the next year. Not the next two years. Forget about just planning for the next few months. I want to know exactly what will happen and when for the next FOREVER. This drives Joe insane.

Now, for the blogs that I choose to receive the "Your Blog is Fabulous" award:

(1) Mocha Mama: read her. she is the vice principal at a high school. How she does that I do not know, as she has 3 children. Children sounds wrong, I believe they are all older teens. She shares intimate stories about the job and family that will leave you rolling at times and just feeling like you've come to understand life a little better at others. Sometimes she writes about topics others avoid (including myself), see her post titled "All Black Folks do Not Look Alike." She is gorgeous and smart and witty. What more could you want? An excerpt from a recent post about Jesus and desert that left me rolling:

-Don’t eat with your mouth full of food.
-Jesus would think that eating with a mouthful is gross.
-Yeah, what would Jesus do with a mouthful of food?
-Jesus wouldn’t be mad about that.
-No! Jesus would DO that!
-Jesus wouldn’t eat with his mouthful. Can’t you hear his mother right now? “Jesus! Close your mouth!”
-I think Jesus would want ice cream. Maybe a McFlurry.

(2) Rebecca from Girls Gone Child: she's a big blog, as far as blogs go, I believe. One of those blogs with so many comments she probably has to schedule a time to sit down and read through them all. This must be a difficult feat for someone with two children under the age of (5?), Archer and Fable. She writes about her darling little children, but also about her marriage. I love reading her. She is a talented author and I feel like I can relate to anything she writes. Her most recent post, about fighting with Hal, her husband, really touched home for me. First, it's still a comical post, even while being so touching and raw. Second, it led me to thinking about how Joe and I work though our own arguments. Her writing is artistic yet real, bringing into the scene. Following is an excerpt from the latest post titled "When we Fight":

When we fight I always cook because if I cook that means he will eat what I have made him and that makes me feel like I've mastered him in some way. Over dinner we speak to our children but not to each other. We take turns making Fable laugh, filling Archer's glass with water, passing things just to pass them until our laps are weighted down with napkins.

When we fight I insist on doing the dishes even though he stands over my shoulder and says, "Stop. Let me do them!" and I say, "No! It's fine. I'm doing them already can't you see!"
"But you don't have to."
"I know."
"So leave them."
"No!"

When we fight he waits for me to finish the dishes and then re-washes them one by one and I become furious because I did a fine job washing those dishes thank you very much and if it wasn't such a waste of water I would likely wash them again...
... and it would go on and on like this until our fingers were pruned and the dishes were all in pieces...

Obsession #8: Reading Mocha Mama and Girls Gone Child.