speaking of...

Speaking of names:

I didn't think much about what I would name my children until a few years ago. Until 6/26/2006 or shortly after, really. Something about my sister's death led me to thinking about getting married to Joe, officially, what I would name my children, and what tattoo I would finally get.

Joe and I married because we fell in love, because that turned into a more mature lasting love, because we were a family, because we wanted the rest of our lives to be intertwined. BUT, we were not in any rush to make it official. In fact, I don't think I really thought it would matter much. We already shared a home. Eliza already thought of me as a Mom. We each already knew that we loved each other equally. What would an actual marriage accomplish? Well, when Kristen was suddenly gone, I realized she wouldn't be there for the marriage we could have already had. I realized I wanted everyone to share in a celebration of our happiness and that making promises to each other in the presence of our close family and friends was, indeed, important.

A preoccupation with future children names was a weird aftermath of the accident. I can't quite explain it. Only girl names. Only names that related back to Kristen. I want my children to have names that are tied to family. Claudia Marie- a perfect combination of my mother and Kristen (her middle name). Or, maybe Kristen Claudia? That one doesn't quite roll off the tongue the same way. The name has to go well with Eliza Jane, since they'll be sisters. I think Claudia Marie goes nicely. Eliza and Claudia? Eliza and Marie? Boy names? Maybe Steven Joseph. Jacob Jeffrey? Somehow I will name my children after my family and Joe's.

Then, the tattoo. I wanted a tattoo for years. There wasn't anything that was ever "right." I didn't want a tattoo just for the sake of having a tattoo. Once, when Kristen, Amy, and my parents were living in the Albany, NY area, Kristen found some beautiful Fall leaves. She framed them for us one Christmas. Each of our leaves different, unique. See how she used pieces of leaves to create a border? Notice the tip of one little leaf poking artistically into the main area of the piece. It's beautiful, and she made it just for me. My tattoo is of falling leaves. I took this framed leaf into the tattoo artist and he created this: The tattoo picture isn't superb. It wouldn't take a good picture with the flash.



Lots of things remind me of Kristen. Some random ones include: fall leaves, certain types of noses (triangular, a bit upturned), a very specific American Eagle sweater (it's navy blue with a light blue trim around the collar and cuffs), bubbly butts in certain jeans, tortilla chips and certain types of salsa.

Also, I had a lazy lazy Sunday. Too much so, although I did bake gluten-free bread and it is Okay. Definitely not great, but okay.

And, I am missing Eliza and hating that I am not the one to read her bedtime stories. Nor am I the one to pick her up excitedly from dance, eagerly awaiting the update on the new dance move learned.