what's in a name?

My name is important to me, as I assume anyone's name is important to them.
Michelle Claire Nielsen: the ENTIRE name is extremely important.

My dad chose the name Michelle. Not because of any relative named Michelle, but simply and beautifully because it's French, and he served his mission in France. Isn't that just simple and sweet?

My middle name is a bit more interesting. When my parents chose my name they didn't give me a middle name. They gave Jake a middle name. Kelli had a middle name. Then I came along- and what? no inspiration?- no middle name. Kristen came and got a middle name. Then came the straw that broke the camel's back. Amy was born when I was 8 and even this little tiny BABY that came into MY house got a MIDDLE NAME. Can you believe this? Five children and only poor picked on Michelle did not get a middle name. To top it off, Amy got the middle name Elizabeth. WHAT?!? I have 8 letters in my first name. She got a 3 letter name? That is SOOO much better and easier to write. THEN, Elizabeth?!??! Did they not even realize that I named all of my Barbies Princess Elizabeth? They couldn't have twisted the knife that they plunged into my back any harder. So, We picked out a middle name: Claire. And guess what- it's my Grandpa's name. It means more to me than I could have understood at 8-years-old. He would call me Claire Bear and tell me how special my name is and how proud he is that I have his name from that point on.

The last name was just part of the entire package, really. I didn't like it sometimes growing up. I mean, I had an 8 letter first name and a 7 letter last name. To top it off, both names, Michelle and Nielsen, are extremely common. COULD IT GET ANY WORSE FOR A CHILD? I mean, let's just pretend that people out there don't have really shitty names like Harry Balls or something. But, I thought this was the end all of boring, long names and to top it off, I would always get asked if it's two L's or one. OF COURSE IT'S TWO. I would get asked if it's EI or IE, or worse, they would just spell it Nelson, which it is NOT.

But, the last name came to mean a lot after 26 years of life and on that 26th birthday when I got married I wasn't ready to abandon this name. Sure, I had toyed with the idea sometimes and even thought I would change my name as the wedding approached. It was fun to think of being Mrs. Michelle Olson. Eliza thought it was great that we would have the same name, even cautioning me: Michelle, it might be hard to remember that it's 'O' 'N' not 'E' 'N' But, still, when the time came, I called my dad and told him that this just seemed weird and not quite right to just become someone else entirely. I think he just thought it was sweet in a way, but really, everyone assumes and expects that your name will change. As if it is a direct insult to the in-law family to not take their name.

One year later, we moved across the entire country to a dodgy little crap town, which didn't matter because we did it together. We were, for the first time, starting something completely of our own. I felt this unity and excitement as the three of us became even more of a family unit and I changed my name on my social security card. WHOA. It came in the mail and I was excited. Eliza, look! I'm Michelle OLSON! That excitement faded as I neglected changing my name on anything else. In fact, I started to wonder why I was putting it off. Why didn't I want to change my license and accounts, and title, and EVERYTHING ELSE? Because of the hassle? (which it is, a hassle) OR Because I didn't want to? As it turns out, I wasn't really sure I wanted to anymore. I didn't want my Master's diploma to have another family's name on it. My mom and dad taught me the importance of school. My mom and dad helped me with homework through school. My mom and dad struggled so that they could pay for my schooling. My mom and dad instilled a desire to achieve and grow. I wanted my diplomas to have MY NAME on it. I wanted to keep my name. I wanted to feel like I was still part of my family. I mean, 4 sisters with all different last names? I know I would still be part of my family, but would it feel any different?

We've been married for two years (as of this next Thursday, the 19th), and I have changed my name. ON EVERYTHING. It's still a little strange. It still feels a little like I've given a part of myself away, or like I've abandoned part of my upbringing. It still feels a little sad. I changed it because it also feels a little right. I changed it because I know I am still part of my family without it. I changed it because hyphenating was NOT an option. Not only is Nielsen-Olson ridiculous, but I wonder what the children do with hyphenated names. I mean, what if they want to hyphenate their names and their children want to hyphenate theirs? Imagine the exponential increase in names! I decided to change it so that my new family with Joe will feel like a stronger family unit-- so that our children will feel that awesome sense of family that I felt at 26 when I realized how much I cherished that literal tie to my own family. I changed it because I love Joe. I changed it because I can't have that unity in name with my new family by asking him to change his name. That would just be making a point. That would be asking him to give up what I didn't want to. I think, most importantly, I finally changed my name because I wanted to.