brassieres

bosom breasts boobs tatas
hardly buxom
fluctuating
deflated

My breasts fluctuate in size. For a while they were a C cup. Now they are a B cup and that seems to be a little questionable. Before they were a C cup they were a B cup. They will probably be a C cup again, as they seem to inflate and deflate on a whim. This does not seem to correspond with any menstrual related changes or weight. No, I have not lost weight. In fact if my boobs are smaller and my weight is the same it seems I have transferred it, gaining weight in another area (ass, it seems). They are moody and they currently depressed.

The problem is not so much in self-esteem as it is in bra selection. Suddenly, none of my bras fit, gaping beneath the shirt- an obvious shelf of bra lacking the boobage to fill it up. Unacceptable. Time to bra-shop.

I HATE BRA SHOPPING. I loathe it. In fact, I made Joe accompany me so that I could not stealthily sneak away under the sales-girl's radar. That is what typically happens. I like my bras to be fun and sexy. I like to have new bras. I just don't like to try them on. Over $50 for one of these contraptions and I am supposed to decide if they hold the breast just so, without wearing it for a day to decide if it is going to be uncomfortable or squeeze out extra boob or create the dreaded empty shelf if I hunch my shoulders just a touch??

I go in, tell the VS sales lady that NO I do NOT need any help. Then, ask which direction toward the bras with underwire and just a little push and lining. I cannot go totally lining-less, or I just should go without a bra altogether. Too much push up and suddenly my shirts are too revealing and it's like a trick: Look Joe! They are HUGE... NOT. I make it to the dressing room with 2-3 bras that look good. I like them: black, printed, a little lace, a low cup, pretty straps. I try them on and I no longer know. Do I like them? If I hold my shoulders back 2 extra breasts are produced, little mounds of flesh oozing out of the top. Nothing makes you feel like your breasts are HUGE like trying on a bra that is just too small. I hunch over and they seem too large for my little mounds of chest. I try to stand normal and can't decide if I stand that way all day. Hmmm... I stare. I stare. I hunch. I pull my shoulders back. I hunch. I stare. I pully my shoulders back. I stare. I stare at the front: too much? not enough? I stare at the back: too tight? too high? too low? I give up. I take it off, get dressed, and leave. Damn it! The sales lady stops me to ask how it's all working out. IT IS NOT WORKING OUT. Fine, I tell her, I won't be needing any bras today. I skulk out of the VS store. A little disappointed. A little relieved. Next time I will purchase a new brassiere.

So, this time, Joe comes with. He goes to a couple of guy stores while I start out. Then I send him a text. HELP PLEASE. IN THE DRESSING ROOM. I need some opinions. I need assurance. I need someone to make a decision, because there is no way that I will be deciding on which expensive bra will be purchased today. Joe tells me it looks good. Not enough of a response. What about the straps? Are they too loose? What about if I stand like this?? Too small? Too big? I JUST DON'T KNOW!?! I call for the dreaded, evil sales woman. The one who measures my breasts before selecting bras for me to try one. The one who always seems to be wrong about which bras to try on. Honey, this looks Great! A confused look: why does she need me in here? Then: You are a perfect 32B. You just needed to adjust the straps. Well, o.k., maybe this whole bra purchasing this will work out after all. Thank you pushy sales lady: for adjusting my straps for me- for. each. bra. for complimenting me. for forcing me to stay and purchase a f*ing bra. Thank you Joe: for being the only man in the dressing room. Next steps: returning to the 34C that once was.

This has absolutely nothing to do with the post, but enjoy: (thanks to chookaloonks for posting)


And this one that I found. They are pomplamoosemusic.